The Monster’s Babe

It had been only a second – the wrong utterances of words and then– she was throwing whatever her hands could grasp, attempting to hit him in the face. Her screams were like a banshee’s – telling him he would soon be joining the dead. It had been that ear piercing horrible shriek. She hissed when the picture frame had missed his face. By mere millimeters. The shattering glass made him visible wince. Damn, good thing he hated the ugly fucker. “It’s your fault, you bastard!” she snarled. “And you tell me oh, don’t worry, it’s only a mild pain?! You cunning asshole!” He held his hands out protectively, making himself fight against the instinct to lash out and jump her. And jump her.

“I didn’t–” the king of words couldn’t calm down his own queen of hearts (or death as the current case may be). He ducked as a lamp sailed over his head. He blinked. Where in the world had she gotten that strength? Yet, failing to see her arm reel back, he fell on his bottom as the book clocked him on the corner of his forehead. He bit back the string of curses, the inside of his cheek bleeding. The metallic taste set his temper aflame. He closed his eyes.





“I completely and totally blame you! You’re an arse!” she screeched, wincing, as she gripped her side. “I fucking hate you!” A tear slid down her face, which was followed by another and another. Why? Why was she crying?! He was the one that was assaulted! Granted, he had been talking about Branson… Branston? That hicks thing with contractions. Whatever it was called. It was common and happened all the time. He really didn’t get it. The doctor said it was mild and nothing to worry ab—oh.

He suddenly grinned. The wrong move. He saw his usually gentle wife transform into a red hulk. Hell. He was going to feel it for days! Weeks, months! She would never let him forget! F–

“You smirking bitch!” she began her tirade again, the tears forgotten as she threw herself at him, both tumbling to the floor. His hands were quick to keep her from clocking her head against the table. He really didn’t want to deal with the clean up. Again. Damn klutz.

“Oaf! You’re heavy,” he grunted and froze. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. He could feel her still, her body tensing. Why did he have to say those words? His mother in law had warned him the women were very sensitive around this time. Especially to ‘you’re heavy.’ Damnit!

“Say. That. Again.”

Her body rose, arms tense and he knew, whatever she had planned, he would not survive the night. And as much as he wished he was exaggerating, he wasn’t. Her father had been a horror comicbook creator. She was his spawn. It fit really.

His arms instinctively captured her and pressed her tight against the line of his body, pulling her further into his own construction. He could feel her struggle, the sting of her teeth biting him through his thick sweater. “Sorry,” he said, staring up into her eyes as she lifted her face to his. His smile was gentle, enticing as he refused to loosen his hold. He could feel her breathing. Thinking.





Her eyes softened, the anger seeping out of her overly exhausted frame. “For what, dragonfly? You’re teasing? You’re callousness? The brush offs of what could possibly happen? You all are acting too casual about it? How about the fact I know nothing about raising a child?! Or maybe the fact that I’m not ready to–”

“You will,” he promised. “Whatever spawn you squirt out–”

“… squirt?” she raised an eyebrow, a small smile on her face.

“– squirt out, will no doubt be born to make your life a living hell. After me, of course,” he nodded, still refusing to let her go. She wiggled.

“You know, such a relief you bring,” she rolled her eyes, the tension ebbing away, “and how you provide such reassurance. Thank you for letting me know I’ll be having a hellion of a child.” She let out a sigh. “I’m so going to be the one responsible for destroying the world via our child. They’ll be blaming me. I’ll be blaming you.”

“Oh, I do hope there is more than one,” he teased. Did he? He wasn’t sure. But the priceless look on her face was worth it. “I expect you to have a hell of a lot more. And in kitchen. And yes, yes, I do believe it’s said you should be… barefoot?”


And it was in moments like these the monster remained content in drowsing in the shadows. A reprieve from the dark as it played with its wife. The moments it could almost believe it was real.


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